Comments on: How we say hello in New England

By: MCW

MCW — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 00:57:08 +0000

Yup --every culture seems to have a gesture that's their version of "the smallest possible social acknowledgement" signal.

It's usually displayed when you enter somebody else's space (as defined by that culture -- that can mean you're 100 ft away or 3 ft away, depending) and it shows respect and general recognition of the other's presence. It doesn't usually mean that the person wants to interact.

A few that I've seen:

- the eyebrow flash (not as a flirtatious thing, which it's also used for, but purely for acknowledgment)
- brief eye contact before glancing away, usually combined with either a brief slight smile or a slight nod
- while driving in rural areas in the US: the raising of a couple of fingers from the hand that's on the steering wheel, or (if the person is feeling more effusive) a vague wave

By: k.h.

k.h. — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 02:57:14 +0000

I was raised in New England, and I can often tell when I'm doing this -- and sometimes go so far as to wonder, "Would it kill me to smile and say hello?" Then my next thought is "Yes."

Why? Who knows.

My relatives soften their voices to whispers when they talk about certain topics, even if we're the only people in the room and there's no one else around for miles. Another one of those weird things.

By: Tom Guarriello

Tom Guarriello — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 12:01:17 +0000

What is that sound Mainers make when they moue? "ayr" or some such thing?

Remember, Frost used the "good fences" line ironically.

By: Tom Guarriello

Tom Guarriello — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 12:00:22 +0000

What is that sound Mainers make when they moue? "ayr" or some such thing?

Remember, Frost used the "good fences" line ironically.

By: botogol

botogol — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 08:08:48 +0000

"Simultaneity when accomplished accidentally is always fun"

I like that. But I would widen it: simultaneity accomplished *deliberately* is also almost always fun, as well.

(I wonder why?)

By: jens

jens — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 11:07:05 +0000

and of course: the disrespectful gift works best in a moue-world.

By: jens

jens — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 10:52:24 +0000

and then, as you all said, the moue also carries the notion of a peer gesture. – not something that one would exchange with anyone.

the cheerful hello, as grant says, comes as a 'gift to the world' and in this way it also steps out of this silent exchange of peer signals. – it is for everybody to hear. – "take it or leave it. – have a nice day" — it says: i am not actually talking to you in particular – i am talking to the world – and you are invited to celebrate life with me…

in a way the cheery hello can have something of a slightly disrespectful gift – and i think that is what i love most about it.

a spontaneous comment — "man on a mission!" — is an even higher form of this wonderfully disrespectful gift. here again a meeting is turned into something extraordinary. somebody sees something, grasps that and takes the time and energy to turn it into a picture. — "man on a mission!" — how nice is that. wonderful. and wonderfully disrespectful again. — "see, i am a poet. you too?. show me next time. good bye."

By: jens

jens — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 10:51:33 +0000

and then, as you all said, the moue also carries the notion of a peer gesture. – not something that one would exchange with anyone.

in a way the cheery hello can have something of a slightly disrespectful gift – and i think that is what i love most about it.

By: jens

jens — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 09:31:03 +0000

very nice reflection, grant. personally i associate the "moue" more with the southern states of the us – but that is just due to not very representative experience i guess. definitely a very middle class / upper middle class thing not wanting to be mistaken for lower middle class.
the german equivalent comes in the form of biting on your teeth, nodding slightly and not really looking the other in the eye. – it is a very territorial gesture. you usually find it where the houses and cars are a little bigger – but not big enough as to regard life as one pleasureful game – and too big already for pretending one has got nothing to lose.

By: Keith

Keith — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 23:50:17 +0000

I've noticed a similar gesture of the mouth, a subtle variation on the moue you describe; using the same muscle group, but coloured by a different attitude. This might be described as the apologetic or inhibited smile. While the attitude behind the moue is one of dissatisfaction at being required to acknowledge someone else, and of begrudging compliance ("Oh, if I must..."), the apologetic smile indicates a desire to make contact, inhibited by a sense of awkwardness, by a feeling that one has no excuse for smiling and that one's smile might therefore be inappropriate; and so it is delivered with a built in apology. It's basically a would-be cheery, open smile which has been flattened out, "kept in check" at the corners of the mouth, and sometimes accompanied by a sort of upward nod of acknowledgement. The smiler would really like to be giving an open smile, and this is their best shot at it. It's the social smile of shy people and awkward youths; and is also sometimes exchanged between strangers (on a bus or commuter train, say) who have a moment of spontaneous sexual attraction, but who feel a mild embarrassment at the obviousness of the fact that that's the reason they're smiling. Delivered mutually and spontaneously, this can be quite charming.

I also recognise Matt’s "guy nod", described above. In Scotland, where I live, there's an extreme, and comical, version of it, which always makes me laugh (inwardly). It's given between hillwalkers, usually after walking for several hours without seeing another human being. When passing another walker, one assumes a grim expression, gives a terse nod, and says "aye" in a clipped tone. For some reason the breath is often stopped momentarily in the throat after the "aye", followed by a short audible release of breath, such as one might give after lifting a heavy weight onto a table. The implied message seems to be: "We are both indomitable and intrepid men of the hills who have no need of mere words and small talk. I acknowledge you as such and move on." And so you walk on without a backward glance. The air of deathly serious machismo, and the mutual willingness to give affirmation to those pretensions in the other, always creates a comic effect- but one which could never be acknowledged in the moment.