based on my experience, kidship can polarize adults as much as it can bind them together. i can’t recall how many times i’ve been told that non-parents “just don’t understand” the challenges and rewards of parenthood, and, consequently, that new parents find they “simply connect better” with other parents. what’s interesting here (again, based solely on my own experience) is that this exclusionary dynamic tends to be asymmetrical–i.e., parents tend to opt out of relationships with non-parents, rather than vice-versa. up to this point, i’d be willing to concede that these relational choices may be driven as much by logistic convenience than anything.

however, what has struck me after being one of few–if not, the only–non-parent at various birthday parties for friends’ children is how palpably awkward (and, at times, patently uncomfortable) the presence of non-parents in kidship contexts makes many parents. at one birthday party i was asked outright (certainly more out of confusion than anything else) just “why exactly” was i there.

i’m still puzzling over that dynamic–why would non-parents (coupled or single) make parents so uncomfortable? is it the contrast in life choices (in an early episode, “sex and the city” explored–in its limited way–a similar dynamic between couples and singles)? though it may sound sensational, might there be an unarticulated yet strong fear of pedophilia that renders non-parent adults (especially men) potential threats? (note, for example, the ubiquitous signs on playgrounds prohibiting entry to unaccompanied adults, as well as the near constant inclusion of cyber-stalking pedophiles in popular crime dramas.)

(I tried to post yesterday, but perhaps it didn’t go through…)

i’m very curious to hear more on parenthood in america . . . . .

quoting from wiki:

“In traditional use, the cuia is often shared among groups of friends and family, passed around from person to person in a circle. Those who share the mate join in a kind of bond of total acceptance and friendship. In a traditional chimarrão-sharing event, there is one person who pours the hot water and serves up the cuia. At a party of close friends, this person is often the host. At outings or at home, this responsibility may change from one sharing to the next.”

very interesting. Reminds me and my daily walk with my scottish terrier. We now have a group that met daily at the park, even arranging who will bring the chimarrao (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chimarrão) to drink. Funny is that almost no one knows the name of the other dog owner, but knows the name of the dog. So I’m know as the “father” of Whisky (my scottish terrier). And this example repeats with almost everyone. As we are first-time dog parents, as almost all the others at the park, the conversation are more or less like first-time moms. How to feed? When to feed? When to vaccinate? Which is the better dog food? What funny things the dog have done? How it was when it (almost he or she) was younger? etc etc etc etc.

another funny thing, if you search on facebook there is an application called Dogbook. There you can add a profile to your dogs, add pictures, and most of all, add parks that they walk. A truly social interaction network through dogs.

best

Renan

Interesting observation.
I don’t think it’s quite as linear as this though.. why does your child play soccer – because I encouraged it? Discouraged the hockey? Which soccer club do they play at – the nearest? the one that Dad chose because of the type of people that go there? Or do they play at school?

So it’s a tangled loop of causality. But still, yes, there’s somethnig very pertinent in your observation. I’d set it as part of a wider context: the growing phenomen of middle-class fmaily life being dominated by the children, or the (perceived) wants, desires, needs of the children.

In my day my parents went to the pub and we kids sat outside in the car with a lemonade and bag of salt and vinegar crisps. That seems a (culturally) long tme ago

Are there really so few people doing this work? (I speak as a concerned anthropology student.)

Thanks!